Usually I don’t like the sort of “Top 5 tricks epic fail cute kittens compilation” lists that show up on blogs whenever the writer is out of ideas for a proper article. However, today I am the writer that is out of ideas, so that is what you will get.
One of the hardest parts of depression is that eventually hardly any topic can really excite you. Fascinating science? Meh. Beautiful art? Snore…
Sometimes I can use this as a measurement of how well I fell in a particular situation. I love to immerse myself in music, but when I am in a depressive phase I just can’t. It is nothing but annoying noise. However, there are a few things that almost always work, even if they don’t work as well as they would if I were healthy. One of those are really hot saunas. Another one are things that had moved me before my depression first started. Even during times where I was completely unable to cry, no matter how bad I felt, I cried like a baby while watching The Lion King, because I knew it since I was a child. And another thing that almost always works is sex.
Depression can have different effects on the libido, sometimes it completely kills it, sometimes it puts it into overdrive. In my case, sexuality is one of my few ways to combat my anxiety and depressive phases. Right now, my medication has side effects that make sex very difficult, nevertheless it is an important topic for me and I always knew that if I ever turned my idea of a blog into reality, I would write about sex. I generally have little shame talking about this subject, especially in an anonymous context. I hope none of my readers are put off by this, but since you read until this point, you seem to be fine.
As i mentioned in the beginning, I am out of ideas for a proper article right now, so here is a rather random list of suggestions for your sex life.
1. Don’t think about what you look like
While sex is a matter of practice, it is even more a matter of the mind. My most important tip is, don’t worry too much, especially about what you look like. There is nothing more distracting than trying to look “good”, and nothing sexier than someone that can let loose and just doesn’t care.
2. Wear socks
Traditionally, wearing socks is a big turn off, but it might be time to question this. Studies have shown that having warm feet increases the chances of an orgasm, so keep them on when you get it on.
3. Be observant
It is important not to be distracted by too much thinking, but one thing you should keep in mind is to observe your parnter(s). You don’t have to focus your attention on him/her all the time, in fact sometimes you should be able to focus on nothing but how it feels for you, but if you want it to feel good for all involved you should learn to notice certain cues. Watch facial expressions, body language, breathing, sometimes really small things can tell you what you should do next. While communication is key and you should always be able to tell your partner what you want, there is a certain magic in unspoken communication.
4. Lube
Many people think lube is only for anal sex or dryness but that is not true. Lube is awesome and you should always have a bottle ready.
5. Do your research
While improvisation and spontaneity are important, you should always be well prepared. Learn all about contraception, not only birth control but also about preventing STDs. Learn all you can about the anatomical details – both your partner’s as well as your own. Learn about differences of lube ingredients and ph levels, about compatibility with condoms or sex toy materials, about hygiene, in short, try to know everything there is to know. But remember, no matter how much you know, there is always something you don’t know. Always be empathic, respectful and kind.
The Metaphorical of Delphi 